Vacation...you're doing it wrong.

Here's how a vacation should go:

Step 1: Have fun

Step 2: Don't do laundry

Step 3: Arrive home, and do laundry

Here's how my vacation is going:

Step 1: Get a head cold RIGHT before you leave to see family, before the little vacay starts.

Step 2: Baby doesn't sleep all that much so you have little sleep AND a head cold...but you suck it up.

Step 3: Son says he has a tummy ache before getting in the car to start vacay. He throws up 15 minutes later. 

Step 4: Clean son up, get him gatorade and drive 1.5 hours in a car that smells like vomit. 

Step 5: Arrive at destination and as you are pulling off the highway, son pukes a TON, including on his beloved blanket.

Step 6: Strip son's clothes off on the side of the road in 40 degree weather while he shakes and daddy cleans up his carseat. 

Step 7: Put him back in the car, miserable and without his beloved blanket.

Step 8: Check into hotel, room isn't ready yet and might not be for up to 4 hours.

Step 9: Take refuge in hotel laundry room. It has no chairs, but you note the floors are easily cleaned if there is a 3rd round of vomit. 

Step 10: Explain to 3 year old that he is in a magical hotel full of fun and water slides, but he can't partake in anything until he can at least eat and keep down food.

Step 11: Get call from hotel that room is ready after about 90 minutes of waiting. 

Step 12: CELEBRATE!!!!
Step 13: Get to room and there is no pack n' play as requested for 11 month old.

Step 14: Call front desk and ask for a pack n' play

Step 15: Check out the different parts of the Lodge, always keeping an eye on the closest garbage can in case boy needs to puke.

Step 16: Rename child "ticking timebomb"

Step 17: Try to go to dinner, miserable failure.

Step 18: Husband starts to feel not so good.
Step 19: You called again earlier, but after returning from dinner there is STILL no Pack n' Play in the room. Call for a 3rd time. 

Step 20: WANT TO SCREAM AND RUN AWAY.

Step 21: Take deep breath

Step 22: Go to story time because 3 year old is smiling, feeling better and able to keep food down.

Step 23: Put kids to bed, praying little one does not throw up in the middle of the night.

Step 24: Put hubby to bed, thankful there are two queen beds in the room.

Step 25: Buy a magazine and vitamin C drink (contemplate wine) and curl up in the lobby, happy to not be cleaning puke.

Step 26: Check on family, everyone is alive.

Step 27: Go work out (truth be told, it's the only thing open).

Step 28: Blog about your fan-freaking-tastic day.

Step 29: Pass out and hope to God that tomorrow is better, it HAS to be better. RIGHT?