Why do we cry?

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Friday will mark my first day as a mom of an elementary student.

It's my first official "First" day of school. Sure, I had my first unofficial day last year, when we dipped our toes into the preschool pool. But this feels more real....and a LOT more paperwork!

Many of my friends had kids around the same time as myself, and I've been watching as one after another starts school. There are posts of elation and devastation as they put their kids on those buses or walk them into school...and many reported tears.

I think I felt a little immune to the back to school hullabaloo...because it was JUST half day kindergarten. Last year we did 2.5 hours, 3 days a week and that was super easy...so this year it was just 2.5 hours, 5 days a week. Of course my life would be easier if he had morning kindergarten or full day...but full day was almost $300/month in our district and that was just NOT happening, and we were placed in PM kindy due to where we live. But last week we received a little answered prayer. The district found extra money and today it was confirmed that he would indeed be going to school full time, starting October 1st!!

I was EXCITED! I did a little happy dance IN kindergarten orientation!!! Now I didn't have to cart two kids to do errands anymore and didn't have to hang so close to the house (honestly, there isn't a whole lot you can do in 2.5 hours). And I didn't have to find a sitter for my son when I worked in my daughter's preschool class (that was the biggest relief!)

This. was. awesome.

Then it hit me...my little man will be gone from me for FIVE hours per day. That is a LONG time!!! Has he ever been away from me that long? Reality gave me a nice smack upside the head and I started to wonder why I wished for this. BUT...I know he will love it and it's just part of life...he will grow up whether I like it or not! Kicking and screaming won't make it slow down! (I know, I tried)

For the first time, I accepted that I would probably cry on Friday. But why??? Why do we feel the need to cry?

I have to wonder if my child, who really has rarely seen me cry, will worry that I'm sending him to slaughter if I burst into tears. I'm sure that will set him up for a stellar first day!

So, I'm blogging it out.

Reasons I want to cry:

I want to cry because my little man is on day one of an amazing adventure. I know how important these years are...I remember them!

I want to cry because I am SO proud of the amazing, smart, quirky, funny, talented, caring, kind, compassionate, loving, silly person that he is.

I want to cry because he has been my little sidekick for 5.5 years. Sure, there are many times I beg and plead for breaks (or hide in the bathroom) but through it all, I couldn't as for a better sidekick!

I want to cry because I'm becoming obsolete. (oh, this one hurt to type...but it is true)

I want to cry because I know I can't protect him and shield him from everything anymore. (why does our world have to be so scary?)

I want to cry because 5.5 years went faster than I ever expected...and I know it will just gain momentum!

I want to cry because I know I will miss him a lot.

But all the tears don't outweigh the excitement I have for him, because he is starting a very important chapter of his life and I will be right here next to him, not letting myself become obsolete.

I'm so excited to be the mom of a kindergartner! Let the fun begin! Hopefully I can hold myself together until my little man is safely seated at his desk and I walk home with my little girl.

Now, talk to me in 3 years when I send my baby off to school...I might need Xanax!